People skills are critical to success in life. As bestselling author John Maxwell writes, "All of life's successes come from initiating relationships with the right people and then strengthening those relationships by using good people skills." Without these skills in place, people will find themselves forever anxious, drained, and overwhelmed when dealing with others.
The challenge is especially great when dealing with difficult people. There are some individuals who have a way of testing patience, introducing difficulty and awkwardness, and getting on that very last nerve. Such people may be present at home, at work, in church, or in the neighborhood. Here are ten tips to help anyone master essential people skills needed not only when faced with difficult situations or people, but in life generally:
Smile - This most basic tip may seem trite, but it is the key to setting the right tone for interaction in any situation. A winning, sincere smile will do more to make a person likable and a situation less confrontational than just about anything else. In addition to the personal benefit of lifting one's own mood, a smile conveys that you are happy to be in the company of the other person, which implicitly suggests that you like the other person. It is very difficult to dislike someone who likes us. You can therefore turn that psychological principle to your advantage by smiling (sincerely and genuinely) when talking with others.Choose Your Attitude- Rosalie Maggio, author of The Art of Talking to Anyone and the How to Say It series, explains: "The art of conversing with anyone begins long before you arrive at wherever you hope to speak charmingly and intelligently....The first step is to choose to be there." While there are some places to which you may not wish to go or situations for which you feel ambiguity at best, working on your attitude is critical to conversation success.Maintain Proper, Balanced Eye Contact- The key is to show interest and engagement in the conversation, without staring the other person down. Keep your mind focused on what the other person is saying, thus minimizing the risk that your face will "fog" over and go into a daze. Also keep your face relaxed. Don't look robotic or forced in either your smile or your eye contact. If you are genuinely interested in what the other person is saying (hint: you choose your level of interest), then this will come off more naturally. It's okay to let your eyes look elsewhere occasionally. In fact, this is a good thing, as it gives you and the other party a 'break' in the conversation and keeps things from becoming a staring contest. It also shows that you're taking the time to process and reflect on what's been said.Use the Other Person's Name - People like to hear the sound of their own name. There's a quasi-affirmation which takes place when a person speaks to another by name. It emphasizes the individuality of the other person and conveys a measure of approval on them.Talk Less and Listen More - The old addage, which says "You were born with one mouth and two ears!," carries much wisdom. The blunt truth is that no one likes or respects someone who completely dominates a conversation or talks more about himself or herself than anyone or anything else. Don't use conversations or the words of others to fuel your self-esteem or sense of importance. Instead, focus on affirming others and learning more about others. Listen more. Talk less.Strive for Understanding - In the course of a conversation, it's easy sometimes to let things fly by without fully engaging or processing them, especially if you're on the defensive. This, however, can come back and bite a person much later. Also, if one is superficially skipping along in a conversation, that detachment will, even if only subconsciously, manifest itself. If the other person says something that you didn't catch or understand, politely ask them to repeat it.Lift People Up - In his bestselling book Winning With People, John Maxwell talks about "The Elevator Principle," a way of remembering that "we can lift people up or take people down in our relationships." To truly "win with people," it's essential that you be one who sincerely and (at times) selflessly lifts others up.The preceding tips will put anyone on the right track to dealing successfully (or at least more peacefully and effectively) with difficult people, and they will pave the way for general success in relationships.
Those interested in improving their people skills should read "How to Deal With Annoying People" and "Ten Tips for Anger Management." Great books on the subject include:
Maggio, Rosalie. The Art of Talking to Anyone: Essential People Skills for Success in Any Situation. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2005.Maxwell, John. Winning With People: Discover The People Principles That Work Every Time. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2004Copyright Brian Tubbs. Contact the author to obtain permission for republication.
Brian Tubbs - Brian Tubbs is a minister, writer, and former educator living in Northern Virginia. He writes on personal development, faith, and ...
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