I love to watch Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer. I have learned so much from his encounter with unruly, aggressive, fearful, obsessive and controlling dogs. Cesar Millan's philosophy is that dogs live in the present. They don't care about the past or the future. It is normal for us, dog lovers, to feel bad when we hear that sad stories of dogs that had been abused or had a really bad owners. We feel sorry for the dog and we start to huminized the dog. Cesar Millan said that when you feel sorry for your dog you are displaying weak energy and the dog is not going to respect you because you are not the pack leader. The dog is going to take that position because you are weak and as a result you are going to have dogs with aggressive and behavioral problems. But what does all these have anything to do with your relationships?
We, humans, most of the time live in the past or the future. We are most concern with what our partner, spouse, friend, parents or family member did to us in the past and we miss those great small signs telling us to live in the present. We feel angry and sorry for ourselves (are you familiar with pitty parties?), therefore our energy becomes weak and then the feelings of resentment, anger and hate become our "pack leaders". Needless to say, you become bitter, aggressive and start having behavioral problems. Ok, you might not chew your wife/husband shoes but you can definitely feel like chewing somebody's head off, sometimes.
So, how do we live in the present? From my own experience dealing with difficult people, I have to say "forgiveness". Forgiveness helps us live in the present. When we forgive and forget, we don't have any other option but to live in the present. Forgiveness does not equal to condoning the act. Forgiveness is a gift of freedom for you. When you hold grudges, resentments and negative feelings, you are hurting yourself. You are your own jailer. The other person(s) keeps living their lives and you live as a prisoner in your own jail with the key to freedom in your hand.
I know it is hard to forgive someone(s) that we allowed to hurt us, but lets be selfish! Lets forgive and forget, it is for us. For our own freedom! Lets live in the present and be happy!
Erlin Annette Monrouzeau is a Life and Business Coach. She has a BA in Psychology and a Masters Degree in Forensic Psychology. Erlin Annette has worked with attorneys and other professionals. She is known as the Clarity Coach, helping women and men make a living with a purpose. Visit her blog at http://www.stopsabotageblog.com/
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